22
by FreeWrite
Summary: It's been 6 months since Emily escaped from Ian Doyle's Greenfield compound and she's stuck. She can't go back to the life she had before and she can't seem to move forward either. A follow up to 'The Heroine' story 4 "Sixteen".
1. The Shove

Title: 22

Author: Freewrite

Summary: It's been 6 months since Emily escaped from Ian Doyle's Greenfield compound and she's stuck. She can't go back to the life she had before and she can't seem to move forward either. A follow up to 'The Heroine' story 4 "Sixteen".

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds or any recognisable characters. They all belong to CBS and I am making no money from this venture.

AN: Before going any further please go and read chapter 4 of 'The Heroine' chapter title 'Sixteen' as this is a direct follow up... done, good… I've been playing with this for a while now but never actually sat down to write it. Then 'ThisBadge' PM'd me and asked if I'd considered expanding any of the other 1 shots out like I had with 'An Unexpected Life'. At the time I had considered this but never sat down to write it. I had just started posting 'A Stone is thrown' and was working on my next big project and instead turned to this.

I've referenced 'Hocus Pocus' by Kurt Vonnegut several times throughout this story. I've also mimicked 1 of the quirks of that book throughout the story which is to never expand numbers out into their literary form. To truly understand this you need to read the book.

It is 6 chapters long plus alternate ending and complete.

* * *

Part 1 - The Shove

January 15th 2013

Hotch sighed as he hung up the phone and went back to the crime scene reports from the 2nd dump site.

Kidnapped, raped, tortured, killed and dumped all in pairs. They suspected the Unsub played the women off against each other. Got off on the power trip of watching 1 women beg for the life of another or perhaps 1 giving in to save herself at the cost of the other.

5 young women dead. 1 traumatised and in hospital and another 2 missing.

The only way they would know for sure is if the survivor started talking.

"You know..." Rossi was uncharacteristically hesitant to make his suggestion "there is someone who could do the interview. Marnie refused to talk to Reid cause he's a man and shot JJ down cause she doesn't think she'd understand..." the older agent didn't take his eyes of the murder board in the cramped conference room of the Annapolis police station.

"No" Hotch knew exactly who Rossi was suggesting.

"No she won't do it or no you won't ask her?"

"Oh she'll do it, which is why I'm not going to ask her." Hotch paused to gather his thoughts "Emily has only just started taking on written consults for us. She hasn't yet done any work outside of Quantico or her condo, she had knee replacement surgery a week ago, she has a teething 9 month old that she doesn't trust anyone else to take care of and we both know if I invite her in to do Marnie's interview she's going to want to stay and see the rest of the case through with the team which we all know she is nowhere near ready for."

Not to mention how the rest of the team would react to Emily being outside the safety of Quantico or her new high security condo.

He knew Garcia, and Morgan had gone over the Alexandria condo with a fine tooth comb at Emily's request. Motion sensors and cameras on all windows and doors, back to base alarm system that alerted not just the security company but the rest of the team if it went off. Emily rarely left the condo alone, her mother was paying for the physical therapist to go to her and groceries were delivered. The few times Emily went to Quantico she was picked up by 1 of the team and Keira was never out of her sight. Keira was never left with someone outside the team and even that was incredibly rare.

In some ways Emily wasn't even trying to move forward... she was free to come and go and do what she pleased but something was stopping her from stepping outside those comfort zones.

"We've been waiting for her to be ready to take on more... every single 1 of us is aware she's hiding, protecting herself and that's ok right now." Hotch ran a hand through his hair "She probably does need a shove back into the world. I just worry this is too much too soon."

"Or... this is the exact shove she needs." finally turning to face Hotch, Dave pushes on "Think about it. We tell victims all the time that talking about their experiences helps them take back control. By telling us everything they can remember they're playing a big role in banishing the monster. Now, Emily's monster is banished, he's dead and never coming back and so is the life she had. Emily is never going to be physically fit for field duty again, her sense of self and safety was brutally stripped away so she's been trying to find a new normal and she's struggling. We can all see it. Maybe by helping Marnie Emily will finally be able to take that next step... whatever direction it may be."

Hotch considered Rossi's words. The team had been going out of their way to shield Emily from the real world, worse still Emily was letting them.

Emily's Bureau assigned psychologist had been the one to suggest bringing her back into the BAU to help with written consults and case vetting. Emily could log in from home and grab a case from the teams share drive do the research and write up on it or send it to Hotch for the team to take. It was also the psychologists idea for Emily to only be able to work on cases pre-vetted by Hotch or Rossi.

 _Don't let her fly through on easy stuff any of you could do while asleep. Give her complex cases and get her brain working again, her value didn't just lie in her ability to run, to pound the pavement so to speak. Help her remember that her true value is in that brain and heart of hers._

"If we ever want to see that stubborn, self assured, take on the world and win woman back we need to stop letting her hide behind us."

"I know..." Hotch reluctantly picked up his cell and scrolled through the contacts until Emily's name came up. "Let's not tell the rest of the team just yet. If this goes badly..." he doesn't finish the sentence before picking up his keys and heading out to the car.

As expected Emily hesitantly agrees to Hotch's request and promises to be ready to go within the hour.

1 of the pitfalls of the damage to her knee and resulting replacement is she's stuck on crutches. When she opens her condo door to Hotch Keira is fast asleep against Emily's chest in her baby carrier, the safety seat is sitting waiting, along with a backpack for all the paraphernalia going out with a 9 month old requires.

She's gnawing on her bottom lip nervously as Hotch picks up the seat and the backpack and hauls it back down to the Tahoe. This more than anything drives home Rossi's point, 2 years ago Emily would have found a way to carry a baby, her backpack and the safety seat while on crutches and anyone that dared try to help her would be bitched out at gunpoint. They all want that Emily back. The team doesn't care if she never travels with them for a case or comes back to the Bureau full time. They want their friend.

Once they're settled in the car and fighting through DC traffic to get back to Annapolis Hotch starts to fill her in on what happened when JJ and Reid attempted to interview Marnie Loughlin.

"She threw a bedpan at Reid and called JJ a... well... let's just say it traumatised Reid more than the flying pan."

"Ouch..." Emily winced at the visual.

"I'm hoping you'll have better luck with her." Hotch doesn't push any further and lets the car drop into silence.

"It's been a long time since I've worked with a victim..." Emily comments quietly unsure if she wants a response or not.

"Yes it has" Hotch agreed.

"I'm thinking that going in there and kicking off with my story isn't going to work..." Emily was hesitant to voice her thoughts. She'd been in survival mode for so long now she hadn't been able to move out of it yet. She was home and safe yet she couldn't shake the vestiges of captivity off.

"She'll think it's a manipulation..." her mind was slowly kicking into profiler mode... rusty as it was. Written consults were easy, she could take her time and do the research. She didn't need to trust in her own instincts and knowledge. Emily was well aware that every consult she had done in the last few weeks was being double checked by Hotch and Rossi. They were a damn good safety net. Hotch didn't dare interrupt her.

"She might not even be willing to do a cognitive yet, it will have to be in her time and on her terms." pieces were slotting into place "I can't be the first to speak..." she reaches down into the backpack at her feet and rummages through for a moment before sitting back up with a huff "damnit.."

"You forgot diapers?" Hotch smirks hoping she'd respond with a snarky comment or roll of the eyes but she does neither.

"No, I was hoping to have a book in there..."

It takes him a moment to work out why she would suddenly have the burning need for a book to read.

"Morgan left a copy of Hocus Pocus* in the glove compartment." Emily's eyes light up as she hits the release and finds a well worn copy of the book. Running light fingers over the title a small smile graced her face " _The 2 prime movers in the universe are time and luck_ " she quoted.

The last 20 minutes of the drive were done in silence. As they pulled into Anne Arundel Hospital Emily looked over at Hotch.

"You'll stay outside with Keira?"

"The whole time" he promised.

Still unable to balance and get Keira situated in the carrier Emily hauled herself up into the back seat and expertly released her and settled the now awake baby facing outwards. Her physical therapist said hauling Keira around like this was doing wonders for her core muscles and upper body strength but putting a lot of strain on her good knee and hip. The doctors were confident that by the time it would really become an issue Emily could graduate back to a cane and start using the stroller again.

Once they were upstairs Emily finally let Hotch take Keira and nervously gave him final instructions he didn't need.

"There are bottles in the backpack along with some snacks, diapers, clothes, a blanket and Harriet."

3 days after she'd escaped Doyles compound she was still living in Hotch's office while their next move was decided. She hadn't known that Hotch had sent Doyle's coordinates to Easter and was waiting for the Brit to confirm if they had managed to take Doyle into custody or not. Their confirmation was a video of Doyle being killed by a sniper's bullet. It wouldn't surprise Emily if Clyde took the shot himself.

Reid had shyly knocked on the door and presented her with a gift bag covered in sparkly pink balloons proclaiming 'it's a girl'. Inside was a soft knitted doll Emily suspected was supposed to be Queen Victoria but Reid was adamant the dolls name was Harriet after sociologist Harriet Martineau.

Emily had watched wide eyed as Spencer sat with her tiny daughter cradled in his arms and expounded on her life and theories.

 _'It's ok to be a woman before your time. You are going to be strong and smart and loved.'_

Somehow Harriet had become Keira's favourite cuddle toy and Emily could not go anywhere without it if she wanted to get Keira to sleep. She'd actually made Reid go out and find another 3 of the exact same doll. JJ and Hotch had both told nightmare stories about meltdowns when a favourite toy couldn't be found.

Leaving the carrier with Hotch Emily shoved the book into her back pocket and made for Marnie's room.

It said something about the young woman's mental state when even her mother had been banished from the room. She had been watching the 2 of them juggle the baby and her gear silently.

"Mrs Loughlin..." Hotch didn't look nearly as imposing when he had a baby in his arms.

"Agent Hotchner, I'm sorry but Marnie still isn't ready to talk."

"We're actually going to try a different approach. This is Emily, she's..." Hotch paused as he struggled to explain Emily without breaching her privacy.

"I've been there" Emily interjected quietly "where she is right now." she swallows deeply "I can... I understand."

Studying the younger woman, Karen Loughlin saw the same darkness in her eyes that Marnie now had.

She nodded slowly accepting their plan and stepped aside to allow Emily through the door.

Pulling it mostly closed behind her Emily made her way over to the chairs by the window settling herself in 1 and pulled her left leg up to rest on the other. Reaching into her back pocket Emily pulled out Hocus Pocus opened it to a random page and started to read.

She really wished she had been a little more circumspect in where she opened the book when her eyes drifted down to page 36.

 _What my children most dislike me for, though, is my reproducing in conjunction with their mother. They live in constant dread of suddenly going as batty as Mildred and Margaret. Unfortunately, there is a good chance of that._

What would she tell Keira about her father? The section for fathers details on the birth certificate was blank, Emily owned nothing that would indicate a relationship at the time of Keira's conception.

Could she maintain the fiction of a 1 night stand that resulted in a baby? Should she make up a story about wanting a baby badly enough to go to a sperm bank?

Should she tell a version of the truth? Would Keira 1 day ask why there were no photos of Emily's pregnancy or the first few months of her life? Should she tell the whole truth and hope for the best. How much of her father was really in the baby? Would she have Ian's temper, love of cooking and dogs, love of guns... penchant for killing.

Banishing those thoughts... it wasn't something she could deal with right now, she'd been successfully not dealing with it for 6 months. She continued reading.

 _Heredity is obviously much on my mind these days, and should be. So I have been reading up on it some in a book that also deals with embryology_

Emily can feel Marnie's eyes on her. Burning in curiosity as to who this strange woman is and why she wandered into her hospital room without permission.

This was Emily's aim, get Marnie curious enough about her to strike up a conversation. The longer they sat in silence the more likely they were to connect.

She was 3 pages in when Marnie finally spoke.

"Can I help you?" there was a hard distrustful edge to the question that was completely expected.

"Nope" Emily didn't bother looking up. She could feel the confusion radiating from the other occupant of the room.

There's another couple of minutes of silence before Marnie speaks again.

"What's wrong with your leg?"

"I had a knee replacement last week." Emily finally looks at Marnie "The hyaline and fibrous cartilage had disintegrated along with the meniscus. All of the ligaments were torn and there were stress fractures in the patella along with the fibia and tibula at the knee and they were starting to spread so they also put in supporting rods to reinforce the bones."

Marnie's mouth dropped open as she comprehended the extent of the damage and Emily's bluntness about it.

For Emily it was a calculated move. She had answered Marnie's question exactly and in its entirety and without any unasked for information.

"How... how does that much damage happen?"

Emily studied the younger woman, telling the truth now could get her kicked out of the room and they would be back to square 1. Not telling the truth would cause problems later when it came to getting her official statement.

"Many years ago I was working for Interpol..." Emily took a deep breath, this would be the 1st time she'd actually had to tell her story to someone that didn't already know some part of it. "I helped put an arms dealer in jail and when he escaped he came after the team that took him down. He killed 14 people before coming for me. He didn't kill me... I had something he wanted and wouldn't tell him where it was so he tried to force it out of me. I lost count of the number of times he wrenched my knee out of the socket and then kicked it back in."

"You're an FBI agent..." Marnie's face immediately closed and anger started to boil up.

"Not right now..." Emily stated quietly "Technically I'm on extended medical leave. I occasionally consult for the team from home. Agent Hotchner thought it might help to talk to someone who's been there… Now I can't pretend to understand how you're feeling or know what you went through. I wasn't there... I didn't suffer at the hands of the same monster who held you, tortured you... stripped you of yourself and humanity bit by bit. I have my own monster who did that to me... 1 of the Agents who was here earlier… his monster beat him, drugged him, made him choose the next victim and made him dig his own grave... My old bosses monster broke into his house, stabbed him 9 times, killed his wife and attempted to kill his 4 year old son... my monster held me for 16 months, I'll never walk without a cane again… I'll need plastic surgery to remove some of the physical scars he left me with and I'm still wondering if it wouldn't be better for me to give his daughter up for adoption. Let her grow up without me and my monster." Emily let her head drop back against the chair and stared at the ceiling for a moment.

"You ever read Kurt Vonnegut?" Emily looked over at Marnie as it occurs to her she's just told secrets that aren't hers to tell. She briefly wonders what happened to her filter and compartments.

The young woman shakes her head.

"Hocus Pocus…" Emily holds up the book so Marnie can see the cover "Not 1 of his better known books. Not my favourite of his either, but it's a good read." she paused "I can start at the beginning and read it to you…"

"You're not going to force me to tell you what happened?" Marnie was still suspicious of this woman.

"When you're ready, you'll tell your story to the right person" Emily assured her and started to read aloud.

" _My name is Eugene Debs Hartke, and I was born in 1940. I was named at the behest of my maternal grandfather, Benjamin Wills, who was a Socialist and an Atheist, and nothing but a groundskeeper at Butler University, in Indianapolis, Indiana, in honor of Eugene Debs of Terre Haute, Indiana."_

They were part way through chapter 3 when Marnie finally spoke again.

"He made me choose between being raped and watching the other girl being hurt… He took a knife and made these long shallow cuts across her stomach… I don't think I'll ever forget the sight of her blood trickling slowly down her body."

Emily stared at her for a long moment… waiting to see if she'd continue before going back to the book.

" _To me, and I passed this on to my students, the restored devices demonstrated not only how quickly anything on Earth runs down without steady infusions of energy. They reminded us, too, of the craftsmanship no longer practiced in the town below. Nobody down there in our time could make things that cunning and beautiful."_

Outside the room Hotch pulled out his phone and sent a text to Rossi, they were right. The Unsub was playing the victims off against each other.

He still wasn't sure if this was a good idea. It was certainly successful as Emily had managed to get further with Marnie than anyone else. Whether it would be good for Emily remained to be seen. After that 1st day in his office when she reassured him that Doyle hadn't turned her Emily had been reticent to speak about her time in the compound with the arms dealer.

" _I wasn't the worst young scientist Sam Wakefield persuaded to come to West Point. 1 classmate of mine, from a little high school in Wyoming, had shown early promise by making an electric chair for rats, with little straps and a little black hood and all."_

"He doesn't like electricity" Marnie interrupted again her gaze fixed on something only she could see out the window. "He said it was too unpredictable… knives were better because he has absolute control."

Once again Emily didn't push or comment but continued to read.

By the time she reached chapter 9 Emily's voice was hoarse. Whether it was this or the solid and non-judgemental presence she had made herself or perhaps it had nothing to do with her and was all Kurt.

" _So what indeed! The lesson I myself learned over and over again when teaching at the college and then the prison was the uselessness of information to most people, except as entertainment. If facts weren't funny or scary, or couldn't make you rich, the heck with them"_

"I was walking to my car…" Marnie starts quietly while Emily was sipping at her water bottle "I love 'Mary Poppins'… I love anything with Julie Andrews in it… I wanted to see 'Saving Mr Banks'. None of my friends were interested so I went by myself to a late showing... " They already knew all this, 2 days after christmas Marnie's car had been found abandoned in the parking lot of Bow Tie cinema "I heard a little kid calling for Daddy… and I thought what's a kid doing out here alone at this time of night."

Emily wondered if the normalcy of reading a book had given Marnie enough distance from the trauma to tell her story.

Outside in the corridor Keira started to whine, a quick check revealed a diaper full of solids and despite the years since Jack was in the diaper stage there are somethings that remain with you. Hotch shouldered the backpack and headed down to the baby change room, as he lay her on the change table it struck him just how much like Emily she was becoming.

The first time he had ever laid eyes on 11 week old Keira her paternity was clear. Her face was rounder, nose not as long or pointed and ears a slightly different shape to her mothers. The first time her eyes had blinked open the bright cerulean blue surrounded by long dark lashes had taken his breath away. Their shape all Emily along with the dark brows, high cheekbones and thick brown hair.

Now 6 months later her face had elongated slightly to match the same oval as Emily and the once blue eyes had steadily been darkening so they now resembled the night sky. Given enough time Hotch believed they would be the same dark coffee colour as Emily's.

Responding to his low and gentle speaking the baby smiled wide revealing the same beautiful dimples that graced Emily's face too seldom these days. Hotch considered what he'd heard Emily say about giving Keira up for adoption. It was clear she loved her daughter, loved her enough to give her up if it came to that. Keira's existence had forced Emily to stop fighting for her freedom. By their estimate Emily had been trapped in the sleeper section of a long haul truck for around 6 months. Doyle used the truck to transport his old stock hidden in Boston to sell around the country, they never managed to pin down his location as he was always on the move while constantly trying to break the unbreakable Emily Prentiss.

Hotch was the only member of the team to see the medical reports, the MRI of her destroyed knee, the pictures of the brands, the scars on her ankles and wrists from the chains she'd worn for so long.

Keira was a living breathing representation of that time, of the helplessness of the situation. Hotch could understand why Emily was feeling so trapped by the baby and maybe the only way she could ever move on would be to give Keira up to parents who didn't have that dark past. Who would never look at her and see their worst nightmare. Then again Hotch had seen Emily with her daughter, seen the love from both sides. He'd watched the 2 of them sleep on his office couch in those first few days.

He'd noticed that these days the only person Emily smiled for was Keira.

Emily needed time and space to make her decision and come to terms with everything she had lost and gained at the hands of Ian Doyle. The Ambassador wouldn't be any help in that regard unless money was required so it was up to the team.

Now clean, dry and dressed Hotch propped the 9 month old against his hip and made his way to the nurses station where they happily gave him directions to the kitchenette to heat up a bottle.

Settling in the seat next to Mrs Loughlin he let Keira get comfortable and take the teat of the bottle eagerly. Within minutes the bottle was empty and the baby fast asleep.

Inside the room Marnie's quiet voice continued to echo through as she haltingly told her story. He wasn't worried about missing any of it, Emily had slipped a digital recorder into her pocket before going into the room. He'd need to make sure no one heard the first parts of the conversation. The team didn't need to know Emily's innermost thoughts and turmoil.

An hour passed of Marnie haltingly telling her story to a silent Emily who didn't interrupt to ask questions or make comment. He wondered if she had become a ghost in the room… a barely visible presence for Marnie to bear her soul to.

Slowly the speaking petered out until there was silence in the room, after several beats Emily's clear voice came through waking Keira from her nap.

"Do you want me to come back tomorrow and keep reading?"

"Yes please." Marnie's sleepy voice responded.

For several minutes there was nothing but silence and sad baby sounds as Keira looked for her mother whose voice she could hear but couldn't see.

Inside the room Emily waited until she was sure Marnie was deeply asleep before pushing herself up right and making her way out of the room with the soft click of her crutches.

As she exited the hospital room and pulled the door shut behind her Keira let out a happy squeal.

"Hey gorgeous girl" Emily cooed at Keira as she took the baby from Hotch and listened carefully to the stream of happy babble that erupted. "Really… Hotch promised to buy you a pony? He never promised me a pony…" another burst of babble "Oh… Hotch promised that Rossi would buy you the pony… that makes more sense. Rossi's a pushover" a rare genuine smile crossed her face as Keira's little hands patted Emily's face and she leaned forward and planted a sloppy opened mouth kiss on her mothers chin.

Hotch smiled as well at the flash of the old Emily coming through.

"Marnie's asleep" she informed Hotch and as Keira settled against Emily's chest with a happy sigh "I told her I'd come back tomorrow"

"I sent JJ back to your place to get you 2 an overnight bag, I think she put the stroller in as well. It took some finagaling but I managed to get you a 2 room suite at the same hotel as us." he wondered if Emily would actually sleep outside the safety of her condo. As expected she immediately caught on to what he was doing. Hotch was giving her the space to say no she didn't want company… she was fine staying in a Hotel room alone with Keira.

She wasn't and they both knew it.

"Who's staying in the other room?" Emily wouldn't even look him in the eye, she hated being this… needy…

"That's up to you…" Emily nodded and pushed the decision away for now. Lowering herself gingerly into a chair she shrugged back into the carrier and secured Keira to her chest and slung the backpack over her shoulders before pushing herself back up to standing.

"Dinner?" she asked Hotch as they made their way slowly to the lifts.

"We're meeting the team at the hotel dining room" he confirmed "And Emily… you did really well today. Some things… can't be taken from you." She swallows hard and accepts his words and praise.

End Part 1


	2. An Irresistible Force

Part 2 - An Irresistible Force

February 15th 2013

She was finally off crutches and for that Emily would be forever grateful.

It was just in time for Keira to start pulling herself up on anything and everything. Exploring the condo from her new vantage point with delight. It was also around that time her babble started to take on a more distinctive tone especially when it came to the team

Ma, Yay, Vhh… were her sounds for her favourite people.

Emily, JJ and Dave.

No one could quite work out what it was about David Rossi that the baby became so attached to but they all just ran with it. Babies were babies and they had their own reasons for their attachments.

Maneuvering the stroller out the doors of her building Emily waited patiently for Hotch to pull up. Ever since the Annapolis case she'd committed to 4 hours a week in Quantico and 2 hours work the other 4 days from home. If the team was travelling 1 of the other agents would drop her off and pick her up. Emily had managed to get Keira into a family daycare on the MCB and was confident the baby was well looked after in those hours.

The plan was to increase it to a full 8 hour day sometime soon. Emily wasn't sure about that yet, but then what Emily planned and what Hotch and Rossi cooked up for her behind closed doors were 2 completely different things. It should bother her that they interfere in her life so much but it doesn't. If they're making the decisions then she doesn't have to.

It's early… just before 7am. Keira will be dropped off by 7:45 and they'll be in the BAU by 8.

Emily's old desk had been taken over by Alex so she's been working in the conference room for 4 hours every Monday morning…

She hates it, somehow being in Quantico is worse than anything else. All she can see while she's there is the ghost of herself. She can see herself talking and laughing with the team, sitting with them in the conference room for a case, grabbing their go bags and walking out the glass doors together. Everything she lost… or threw away depending on how you look at it.

Every minute she spends in the academy steals another piece of her soul because she knows that the woman she's seeing walk those halls was killed by Ian Doyle.

* * *

March 15th 2013

It's been 2 years and 4 days since Ian Doyle killed her on a street in Boston.

Recently that's how she's been seeing herself. It's the only way Emily can reconcile the life she's living now to the life she had back then.

March 10th 2011… It's all so vivid in her mind… inserting the ear plugs… running across the street… pulling the pin on the flash bang… the muted sounds, bright light and shaking of the SUV as it went off… screaming for Doyle… the impact as 2 bullets hit her vest at close range. Dieing on the cold concrete outside the The Black Shamrock.

She didn't go into the BAU on Monday and no one had seen or heard from her since…

The team was starting to get frantic… there was no disturbance at the condo, the panic alarm hadn't gone off and the CCTV showed no glitches and no one going in or out. By all appearances Emily was simply hiding, so on the Friday evening after getting home from Saint Paul Minnesota JJ and Rossi go to the condo and let themselves in.

The condo is as neat and tidy as it can be with a 10 month old in residence, Emily's cell phone is on the side table, a quick check shows it is out of battery. Nothing is out of place, the dishwasher is just finishing up and the television is playing *'Bedknobs and Broomsticks' on low.

Emily is lying on the couch with Keira curled up on her chest both entranced as Eglantine and Emelius dance on the seafloor.

 _It's lovely, bobbing along_

 _Bobbing along through the water where we get along swimmingly_

 _Far from the frenzy_

 _Of the frantic world above_

She barely looks away from the television when they come into view.

"It's too hard" is the only explanation they get.

* * *

April 15th 2013

Garcia wants to throw a giant birthday party for Keira.

Emily can't bring herself to get invested in it. She's now working 2 and a days a week in Quantico and it's taking everything she has to put 1 foot in front of the other so she shrugs and tell's Garcia to plan whatever she wants but if there is more than the team there or it's outside the condo she and Keira won't be attending.

It's a tough pill for the technical analyst to swallow. She thought a party would pull Emily out of this funk she'd been steadily falling into.

None of them want to admit it but the more time Emily spends out in public or in Quantico the worse she is getting. The team assumed that holing up inside the safety of her condo with Keira was unhealthy but everyone is questioning that now.

The week in March she refused to go out, Emily ate and slept better and even put on a couple of pounds but it fell off her again once she was convinced to go to work on the following Monday.

Rossi is the first to voice to any of them that maybe DC isn't a good place for Emily to be. Maybe being exposed to her old life is actually damaging her. The perceived expectation of being _their_ friend Emily, _their_ teammate Agent Prentiss is hurting her. How is she expected to heal and move on with everything the job cost her being constantly thrown in her face. They've been encouraging her to find a new normal but maybe there's too much of the old normal around for that to happen.

He finally admits that the shove into the world they gave Emily was the wrong one. They never should have shoved her back into their world.

END PART

'Bedknobs and Broomsticks' - 1 of my favourite Disney movies growing up.


	3. The Plan

Part 3 - The Plan

May 15th 2013

At JJ's insistence Emily takes a weekend to herself and leaves Keira with her and Will. When the Monday arrived with no contact from Emily they grew concerned and the phone calls and knocks on the door started, but there is no answer. By the following Friday they were all panicking, Garcia checked and there was no activity on her credit cards, license or passport.

Working on a hunch Rossi went to her condo and used the key she'd given him months before to let himself in. Once again the phone is dead on the side table but the condo is a mess. Clothes and dishes are everywhere and boxes are half packed.

He found her sitting in Keira's nursery clutching a baby blanket and 1 of the Harriett's as she slept on the floor. Pulling out his phone he sent a quick text to the rest of the team assuring them that Emily was alive, well and in her condo.

Crouching down next to her Rossi reached out and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder to wake her. He was surprised when she didn't flinch or start at the touch, instead let out some light mumbling about changing a diaper before blinking her eyes open.

He gave her a moment to get her bearings before speaking "You haven't left here have you?"

"I couldn't…" she shook her head "not without Keira." she took a deep shuddering breath. "I'm trapped Dave… he won… I can't… he's everywhere… he's everything… I can't look at her but I can't look away… I can't be with her and I can't be without her…"

Dave eases himself down onto the floor so they're sitting shoulder to shoulder lifting his arm he wraps it around her and pulls her close.

"Ok…" he whispers "so where does that leave you?"

"Stuck…" everything felt so hopeless.

"Not stuck" Dave assured her "never stuck… we'll find a direction for you to go..." close to 30 minutes pass as he waits for the panicked shuddering to calm down before moving.

Pushing himself back up to his feet he turned and held a hand out to her. Emily considered him for a moment, before nodding and placing her hand in his. She was out of everything, she had no drive, no ambition, no desire left… she was barely even existing. Ian had stolen it all from her.

"Now, the first thing you're going to do is shower and get dressed, then you're going to pack a bag to get you through a few days. Then we're going to go to my place, eat a fine Italian meal while drinking fine Italian wine and after that well… I have a plan."

A part of her wanted to know the plan right then and there but she didn't have the energy to cajole it from him.

While she was in the shower Dave sent 2 text messages.

The first to JJ asking her to bring Keira to his house in 2 hours and the second to Garcia… he needed maps.

He quickly received confirmation from both women and then made his way around the condo packing up clothes, diapers, blankets and the porta-crib and taking them down to his car.

Once Emily was packed up and ready he took the strangely pliant woman back to his house where Garcia was already waiting with the requested maps.

Without being asked to Garcia left the maps on the big dining room table, set up the porta-crib in 1 of the guest rooms and slipped out of the house.

He was just serving a small plate of spinach and feta cannelloni when JJ arrived with Keira and Henry in tow. When Emily came into view Keira squirmed and and screeched trying to get out of JJ's iron hold and to her mother. Apprehension was rolling off Emily in palpable waves so JJ held fast to the toddler which resulted in fat tears rolling down the little face. Keira couldn't get to the person she wanted to be with the most.

"Mama…?"

Behind Emily Dave silently instructed JJ to put Keira down and back off, JJ shook her head in refusal, something in Emily's demeanor and her seeming abandonment of Keira in the last week didn't sit right with her. Completely oblivious to the silent conversation going over her head Emily stared at the daughter she'd never asked for.

When the CIA had recruited her Emily knew she was most likely giving up on the idea of a family of her own. She'd gone to great lengths to ensure there were no more accidental pregnancies. When she'd been preparing to go undercover with her first NOC, Emily had toyed with the idea of tubal ligation surgery or a full hysterectomy but something about the permanence stopped her… she'd never experienced permanence and didn't want to start with this.

She could feel the ghost of Ian's fingers tracing along her upper arm as he searched for her birth control implant and the smile on his face as he found it flashed before her eyes.

" _If you're going to replace Declan for me we need to get rid of this first don't we?"_

He hadn't been gentle as he'd cut into her arm and felt around finally pulling out the small rod she'd been using as a first line of defence against pregnancy. In that moment, seeing her blood glistening over Doyle's fingers as it held her last defence against giving him what he wanted, she regretted not taking one of those permanent steps.

Better to remove the possibility than have a child like this.

Her right hand came up to massage the scar Doyle had left on her bicep it was 1 of many but it haunted her more than all the others combined.

Looking at the woman who had been caring for her Keira had no idea why she wasn't allowed to be with her mother.

"YayYay down go Mama!" she demanded trying to push herself away from JJ.

Emily had loved Declan, been willing to give her life for him. She had been able to see past his father and to the little boy full of innocence and possibility… so why couldn't she do the same with Keira. Maybe it was her being born of violence and captivity...

JJ finally gave into the twin demands of David Rossi and Keira Prentiss, setting the toddler down onto her feet. After 4 excited and halting steps she dropped to her bottom and crawled the rest of the way to Emily using her good leg to pull herself into a standing position. Wrapping her arms around Emily's calf Keira inhaled deeply and let out a happy "Mama".

Closing her eyes against the tears Emily's hand dropped down to rest on Keira's head and let her fingers play with the soft downy hair after a few minutes of that slight contact she reached down and lifted Keira into her lap letting her snuggle into her chest while Emily turned back to the plate and started to eat not caring when Keira helped herself to the meal.

Once again doing what she'd been doing for nearly a year. Shoving it all away and not dealing with it.

Emily didn't even hear the angry whispered conversation as Dave shoved JJ and Henry out the front door.

Dave didn't go back to the kitchen, leaving Emily to eat and reunite with Keira in peace. He spread the maps over the dining table and laid out the different coloured sharpies Garcia had brought. He had told neither of the blonds what he was planning… he was well aware how much Emily and Keira's future together relied on this working. Dave also knew the rest of the team wouldn't approve of his plan, well maybe Hotch and Alex would. Reid, Morgan, Garcia and JJ would all insist it was a bad idea and do everything they could to block it.

Taking the bright green sharpie he circled 2 places, Ushuaia* and Kathmandu*. Both places Emily had expressed a desire to visit and both places Ian Doyle had never set foot in.

Leaving everything as is he pulled out a book and waited. Emily would come to him when she was ready.

Close to an hour passed before her tell tale uneven gait could be heard as she made her way out of the kitchen. Standing in the doorway she eyed the maps apprehensively as Keira clung to her neck.

"We're going to find places he's not…" Dave held out the black sharpie, with shaking hands Emily stepped forward and took the marker and turned to face the prominent map of north America.

"Doesn't that mean I'm running away?" Emily's voice was raspy.

"No… here… isn't healthy for you. That much is abundantly clear. We'll find somewhere that is."

Her eyes dropped and darted around the map finally settling on Boston. Several long and silent minutes passed before Emily leaned down and blacked out the entirety of Massachusetts, a deep hitching breath was taken before the rest of the eastern seaboard followed.

New Hampshire, Maine, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, DC, Virginia, the Carolinas, Georgia and Florida. Then she worked her way across, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska, Wyoming, Utah, Nevada and California.

Leaning down she placed Keira gently on 1 of the chairs before moving the map of North America out of the way.

Europe was pulled over and she blacked out Italy, Switzerland, France, Slovenia, Austria, Hungary, Croatia, Slovakia, Czechia and the British Isles.

"That's a whole lot of world left for you to explore" Rossi smiled as understanding dawned and she replaced the black sharpie with the green and started to plot out the places she wanted to see.

The Bahama's, Jamaica, Ushuaia and the Galapagos were circled again. Over to Malawi, which she scribbled 'safari' next to. Then Mumbai, Goa and Bhutan. Cambodia, Vietnam, Korea, up to Japan and down to Singapore. She coloured in all of Australia and New Zealand. Took the time to find Vanuatu, Fiji and New Caledonia.

It was nearly an hour before she's done. Dave had watched silently only moving to take Keira from the chair as the little girl grew tired and was now dozing in his arms.

"Before we really start to plan this… does Keira need a passport?"

Emily blinked in surprise at the bluntness of his question, taken aback by the out he was giving her and the acceptance that this was her decision to make. She could leave without Keira… go out into the world and find a place where she didn't see the ghost of Ian Doyle around every corner or the ghost of herself still whole. Keira would be safe and loved back here in DC, she would want for absolutely nothing.

She could take Keira with her, explore the world through her toddlers eyes and all the wonder and amazement that came with it, risk never being able to shake the ghosts no matter how far she ran.

That had been the plan when she dropped Keira off with JJ. She had a buyer lined up for the condo. All she needed to do was call the movers to take all the furniture and clothes to goodwill and get a lawyer to draw up the paperwork for the trust and guardianship change. She'd been folding 1 of the tiny blankets and caught sight of a Harriett staring up at her… judging her and she'd frozen.

That plan fell apart… now she needed a new one and she needed to decide what part Keira would be taking.

"If I go without her I'll never come back" she admits.

"I know."

"If I take her with me I might never find what I'm looking for"

"You might never find it either way…" Dave has always had a brutal brand of honesty.

Emily nodded, acknowledging his point.

"Do you want to know what I think?" Emily nodded again, Dave would tell her whether she wanted to hear it or no.

"If you go without her you're denying the both of you a chance for a fresh start and if it turns out taking her with you was the wrong choice you can bring her back to DC. 1 is easier to correct than the other." As always Dave gave her another angle to consider.

END PART


	4. The Open Globe

Part 4 - The Open Globe

July 15, 2013

As expected Hotch instantly understood why it was happening this way, and Alex wasn't far behind. They'd both seen how damaging DC was to Emily.

Even now JJ and Morgan were trying to talk her out of leaving not just DC but the US. Garcia had given up after seeing Emily's maps and Reid had turned off… refused to engage another person who was leaving him in the hope it would hurt less the day she got on the plane. He didn't yet understand that DC was her Dilaudid. Killing her in the guise of release.

All of her assets have been dissolved except the DC condo which she's renting out. That along with her disability pension will provide a steady stream of income. Emily doesn't know it yet but her mother has deposited a sizable chunk of cash into her savings account. Rossi is planning on doing the same once she's out of the country and can't bitch at him in person.

She has no set plan, once she's sick of where she is she'll decide where they're going next.

The first postcard arrives 6 weeks after they leave, it's from Ushuaia. It's addressed to "The BAU" and has nothing written on it.

A month later another arrives from Uyuni, Bolivia, still addressed to "The BAU" and still devoid of all other details.

Before they left Garcia set up a tracking app for her phone signal so they nearly always know where Emily is, the first time the signal dropped out the tech analyst panicked until Hotch pointed out Emily had been steadily heading into a remote area and there was likely no reception. With time the whole team has come to understand why Emily has to do this even if they don't like it. There are times they each pull up the app and obsessively watch the little dot blinking.

The first photo is emailed to Rossi 4 months after she leaves DC and it comes from a local photographer in Belém. It's a photo of Emily and Keira in profile on the foreshore of the city looking out over where the Amazon meets the Atlantic. Keira is delighted by something off in the distance and Emily is looking the healthiest they've seen her since before Doyle.

Agente Rossi, _(_ _Agent Rossi,)_

Emily pediu que eu enviasse a foto para você. Tudo o que ela diria é que você precisa mais do que ela. _(Emily asked I send the photo to you. All she would say is you need it more than she does.)_

Guillermo Santos

The only reason they know Emily leaves South America is the tracking app. 3 months of travelling through Namibia, Zambia, Malawi and Tanzania. Postcards are sent from random places she visits along the way. There are no personal messages and they're all addressed to the team as a whole.

Another photo is emailed from another photographer this time it's sent from Tanzania.

Mheshimiwa Agent, _(Sir Agent,)_

Salamu kutoka Tanzania. Natumaini picha hii inakuletea furaha kama I. _(Greetings from Tanzania. I hope this picture brings you as much joy as I.)_

Nyofu Mtanga

Emily is standing against a fence with Keira trapped between her and it. Leaning over, hand stretched out to a baby elephant whose trunk is sniffing at Keira's tiny hand.

There's pure joy on both their faces.

From Dar es Salaam she flies into Mumbai and celebrates Keira's 2nd birthday in a rented beach house in Goa where she decides to stop and enjoy the beach for a few weeks.

Instead of a postcard she sends an envelope with a photo of the 2 of them blowing 2 candles out on a cupcake and a short note.

 _I'm still looking…_

Travel through India is different to what she is expecting. The further she gets out of the major cities and tourist traps the more she falls in love with the people and the culture. Most nights Emily doesn't bother looking for a hotel, without fail some local woman she meets will offer them a place to stay. It's in India that Emily starts to remember humanities default isn't cruelty but kindness.

Keira picks up the language faster than Emily which doesn't surprise her. The little girl is a sponge and delights everyone they meet. They arrive in Lucknow in mid May and for the first time Emily feels like this is somewhere they could stop long term. The feeling is fleeting and before she can question it too deeply it's gone and they're heading east into Nepal.

They celebrate the 1 year anniversary of leaving the US in Nepal's Barun Valley but it's weeks before Emily can get strong enough reception to send the photo she takes.

This 1 is a selfie. Keira is sitting in her lap and the vista behind them takes the teams breath away. Giant snow capped mountains dwarf the 2 of them as the sit in the lush green valley.

The 2 of them are rugged up against the Himalayan cold but there's colour in Emily's cheeks and a sparkle in her eye…

Unable to get a visa into Bhutan they head south to Bangladesh and Emily sits at the tiny desk in their hotel room with Keira in her lap and a map of southeast Asia in front of them.

"Where to next baby?"

Why she's leaving the decision up to a 2 and a ½ year olds pointing she doesn't know.

Keira's fingers land on Cambodia so that's where they go. They make their way north through the countryside and into Laos. They celebrate Christmas in Sơn La Vietnam and the email contact between her and Dave is now fairly regular. Emily is sending photos and updates with stories of what they've seen and done. While not quite up to the old Emily colour commentary there is a spark in the story telling that causes them all to breathe a sigh of relief.

They're in Shanghai when Emily is overcome by weariness, they have been bouncing around the world for over 18 months. Keira's 3rd birthday is coming up and Emily starts to long for some stability. She checks out of their hotel in the mid afternoon and goes to the airport, staring at the departure boards she makes a decision and they're on the next flight out to Australia.

When their flight lands in Sydney Emily immediately discounts the city as somewhere she wants to spend any amount of time in so she rents a car and heads south.

For a capital city *Canberra is surprisingly low key. There's a beautiful relaxed feel to it and Emily ends up renting a house in the south of the city with beautiful views over the mountains and for the first time in a long time she feels something she thought was lost to her forever.

Home.

END PART

*Ushuaia - a resort town in Argentina. It's located on the Tierra del Fuego archipelago, the southernmost tip of South America, nicknamed the "End of the World."

*Kathmandu - Kathmandu is the capital city of the Federal Democratic Republic of Nepal.

*Capital city of Australia, Sydney and Melbourne were fighting over who got to be the capital so they just built a new city in the middle of nowhere.


	5. The Reconciliation

Part 5 - The Reconciliation

Emily and Keira join a playgroup accidentally.

They'd been in Canberra for close to 3 months… celebrated Keira's 3rd birthday there and were coming up on the 2nd anniversary of leaving DC.

It was a magnificent early winter day, the sky a bright azure blue, the sun shining and air cold.

Emily decided to go on a picnic. Even with her bad knee Point Hut Pond District Park is still walking distance from the little house they were renting. They'd been there long enough for Emily to lay out the blanket and Keira's eyes to light up at the sight of the swings when a father and daughter set up nearby.

Within 30 minutes there were close to 20 people milling about. Somehow Keira managed to slide into their play and before she knew it Emily was introducing herself to the other parents and getting the details of their facebook group.

It ends up being 1 of the best things that could have happened to them. It's connection and friendship and relief and pleasure all rolled into 1.

On the 2nd anniversary of leaving DC Elizabeth turned up on Emily's doorstep. She didn't stay long, their conversations as awkward and mis communicative as ever. While they would never have an open mother/daughter relationship you read about or see in movies they loved each other as best as they could and in their own way.

Content her daughter and granddaughter were safe Elizabeth went back to her work and left them to their own devices.

Without warning her, JJ and Will came to visit that October. Desperate to see her friend, they had scrimped and saved every cent and every minute possible to make this trip.

She took home souvenirs, photos, memories and confirmation that Emily was… not perfect but better.

Not yet happy but content.

Later that year she gets a surprising phone call from the Dean of Health and Medicine at ANU. He'd heard through the grapevine she had once been a member of the FBI's elite profiling unit and would she be interested in doing a series of guest lectures on some of the more unique killers she had profiled.

It turns out the grapevine was his wife's, cousins, work mates husband happened to be in the playgroup with her.

She almost refuses outright, but then she remembers what the Bureau psychologist said to her.

' _Your true value is in that brain and heart of yours'_

So she asks for a proposal in writing and promises to get back to him in a few days with a decision.

What he's asking for isn't hard… she's had enough time and distance to step back into behavioural analysis.

6 lectures over 6 weeks on 6 different cases

She automatically discounts the bulk of their cases and starts thinking about some of the standouts, those with unique psychopathies and circumstances.

She makes a conscious choice not to use Tobias Hankel, Frank Breitkopf, George Foyet and Thomas Yates. It feels disingenuous to lecture on killers who had caused so much damage and emotional turmoil to their team.

*Sarah Danlin

*Floyd Feylan Ferrell

*Chloe Kelcher

*Danny Murphy

*Mason and Lucas Turner

*Samantha Malcolm

Her terms are acceptable. Child care for Keira, freedom to pick her own cases and she'll do whatever time suits the university which ends up being Friday's at 2pm.

She emails Hotch with the proposal and outline of what she's doing and the cases she's chosen asking if she still has clearance for the full files.

Within an hour there's a flurry of emails from Garcia providing her with access to everything and anything she could want. It doesn't take long for the rest of the team to start emailing her about them either.

Even Reid… he's finally reconciled Emily's need to be away from DC had nothing to do with the team and everything to do with the location.

A late night skype session with the younger man turns melancholy when he asks if she'd ever consider returning to DC even if just for a visit. The still healing part of her wants to say never but the optimist she revived on a trip around the world smiles weakly and says maybe.

* * *

Driving onto the university campus the following March brings butterflies to the pit of her stomach. It's been over 4 years since she last lectured and while she knows she is as prepared as she can be, it just doesn't feel that way.

Maybe it was simply because it was Friday the 13th…

When she walks into the lecture hall Emily nearly bursts into tears. There sitting in the front row is Spencer Reid… all bright smiles and gangly awkwardness.

"We managed to convince the Director that while you were completely capable and trustworthy of representing the Bureau in a positive and respectful manner it would do wonders for our image in the international and educational community if there was a current representative from the BAU here to assist you." In an unprecedented move for the slightly germaphobic young man he wraps Emily in a strong hug "and because of the time change and weekend I don't fly back until late Sunday night."

"You… you're here?" Emily stutters and rocks into the hug "you're here for my first lecture and you're here till Sunday…"

She's missed her team like an astronaut misses fresh air.

Stepping back Spencer drank in the sight of her.

Her hair was full and healthy, her complexion had lost the sickly yellow hue, she was trim and fit and the life had come back into her eyes.

"There she is…" he whispered "I missed you!"

The hall only made it to half full for that first lecture, but those that did attend were riveted by Emily's weaving of Sarah Danlin's story. From the original trauma that only Will LaMontagne Snr believed to the first murders pre-Katrina to Galveston back to New Orleans… How they traced her, how Will talked her down while she held a scalpel to her final victims throat.

The bitterly sad story of a young woman's life ruined because instead of believing she was raped they called her a slut.

The unique psychopathy of a female serial killer.

Sarah Danlin wasn't born a killer… she was made a killer.

The question time at the end lasted longer than the initial lecture. A core group of students was made that day who continued to question Reid while Emily went and picked up Keira.

Sometime in the last few years Spencer had learned not to curb his enthusiastic intelligence but re-frame it. Something had taught him how to speak to his audience without speaking over their heads or loosing them to the statistical minutia. Perhaps it was simply a wisdom that came with age.

His natural charisma and innate goodness shone through.

" _I'm trying to be more conversational"_

" _Oh… It's not working"_

She arrived back in the hall with a hyperactive 3 and ¾ year old, Keira was very specific on this point, to find a just as hyperactive genius standing between the groupies and a white board, gesticulating wildly while explaining that the majority of proven psychopaths they've come across are made by environment exacerbating traits they were born with.

Looking up he saw Emily and grinned as she stood holding Keira's hand.

They spent Saturday at Questacon, Spencer finding an enthusiastic listener in Keira and Sunday at the park.

* * *

The following Friday JJ was waiting for her and the lecture hall was full as Emily spoke about Floyd Feylan Ferrell. There was a collective 'ewww' when Emily opened her lecture with.

"When we searched Floyd Feylan Ferell's house we found a recipe book with meals like 'Skewered She' and 'Kobe Steak Girl'. He was also very specific about not liking junkies because and I quote 'they taste funny.'"

JJ herself sat there and enjoyed being the lecturee instead of the lecturer. When she'd first started taking cases for them again JJ had suggested early on Emily look at teaching at the academy or a local university in DC but Emily had firmly rebutted the idea.

Looking back JJ know's Emily has always been 1 to forge her own path and this was no different. They'd pushed her to buy the condo, be independent, come back to profiling and find the new normal without giving her the space to work out what that normal actually looked like.

The groupies from the previous week once again hung out afterwards to pick Emily and JJ's brains about profiling. This time they had a written list of questions ready, when it gets to 5 PM with no sign of them abating Emily called a halt to the questions and told them she'd come back to campus Monday afternoon and happily answer any questions they had.

After organising a time and place Emily and JJ head off to pick up Keira and get some dinner.

They end up having a 48 hour girls night… sans the drinking too much.

The 2 of them watch chick flicks, paint each other's nails, gossip and take the opportunity to find the footing on their friendship that JJ's transfer to the Pentagon yanked out from under them. Emily hadn't been capable of re-building that type of relationship in that awful year after escaping Doyle.

Monday afternoon finds Emily sitting under a shady ghost gum, Keira playing happily as the cadre of students peppered Emily with question after question.

* * *

Emily tries to work out who's going to be waiting in the lecture hall for her that Friday, JJ had refused to tell her who was next. When she was driving to the university she was more excited to see which team member was waiting for her than the lecture itself.

Morgan sweeps her into a bone crushing hug, lifting her feet off the ground. Letting herself relax into his strong body Emily inhales deeply and lets out a wet giggle.

"Who here knows what a paraphilia is?" Emily asks the standing room only lecture hall, impressed when most hands go up "Good… keep your hand up if you've ever heard of Hybristophilia…" 90% of those hands drop and neither Emily nor Morgan are surprised. Emily is even less surprised that the only hands that remain up are the groupies.

"Hybristophilia is a paraphilia in which sexual arousal, facilitation, and attainment of orgasm are responsive to and contingent upon being with a partner known to have committed an outrage, cheating, lying, known infidelities, or crime—such as rape, murder, or armed robbery. Chloe Kelcher was a Hybristophiliac, she killed 3 people and attempted to kill 2 more all because she fell in love with a serial killer."

Somehow they fell into old patterns, whereas Spencer and JJ had remained seated and let her lecture without interference Morgan joined her at the podium and the 2 of them bounced off each other seamlessly.

After official question time she doesn't let the groupies get settled, instead sending them out to where they'd met on Monday promising to be there after picking up Keira.

Exhausted from a long afternoon of playing, Keira settles on Emily's lap and dozes as they chat about the different paraphilias.

That night Emily takes Morgan to the local pub for a meal which sets the tone for the rest of the weekend.

Monday is a repeat of the previous week… meeting with the groupies takes the sting off Morgan leaving the night before.

She has a week off, it's Easter long weekend so she packs Keira in the car and heads off for a road trip. She heads west to the coast and then down to Eden… which lives up to its name before going back inland, up through the mountains and back to Canberra.

* * *

Emily gets a message late Thursday afternoon telling her they've changed the location of her lecture. When she arrives the Dean is waiting for her at the twice as big lecture hall.

"Given your last lecture had people sitting in the isles and a crowd out the door we figured a bigger space would be needed."

She sticks her head in the room and notices it's already starting to fill up.

Her relationship with Alex Blake had never been as heavy as with the rest of the team. Alex only ever knew her from stories the rest of the team had told, she had no history or preconceived notion of who Emily Prentiss was or how she should react and had therefore become a confident and the person Emily was most honest with.

Emily knew Alex had tried to intervene on her behalf with the team. Stop them from pushing her so hard but they didn't want to hear it.

Emily was relieved it was Alex with her for this lecture as she couldn't guarantee she wasn't going to cry. The others had all been there and seen the damage first hand, Alex could be dispassionate about it where Emily couldn't.

Standing in front of 200 students Emily took a deep break.

"On the 20th April 2009 an Amber Alert went out. 7 year old Kyle Murphy had been reported missing." Emily felt tears start to prick her eyes and she paused taking a deep breath "I'm going to cry during this one… just thought I'd warn you… what we didn't know when we arrived in Cherry Hill New Jersey was the killer was already known by the local detective who called us in. Early that morning, in a fit of rage, his 9 year old brother choked him to death and then shoved model plane parts down his throat." she cleared her throat. "Danny felt no remorse…"

Unlike last week when Alex jumped in it was to give Emily a break. She could speak coldly and clinically on Danny's specific sociopathy and the lack of official diagnosis, that could not be given until Danny reached 18 in 2018.

"There are some cases that stay with you" Emily started to wind down "no matter how hard you try to distance yourself they burrow their way under your skin and into your psyche. Danny Murphy did that to me, I will never forget that cold remorseless stare of his as he described killing his brother."

Her weekend with Alex is relaxed and they enjoy the tourist traps together, Emily had already seen it all before and enjoyed being the tour guide.

The group waiting for her on the quad is bigger than the previous time. She's working on a puzzle with Keira while answering questions and none of them notice the Dean watching them.

* * *

When she walks into the half full auditorium the following Friday afternoon Emily is speechless when both Rossi and Garcia are present, she has a brief moment to wonder how they convinced the Director to let both of them come.

Dave sticks his little finger in his ear and wiggles it around at the pitch of Penelope's squeal when Emily comes into view.

Emily's cane assisted limp isn't fast enough for the analyst who runs up the aisle as fast as she can and nearly takes them both to the ground with the force of her hug.

Letting Garcia get the frenetic greeting out her system he waits at the podium for the 2 women.

Once they reached him and Garcia released enough of Emily for Dave to take his own hold he pulled Emily into his own arms and whispered in her ear

"Non puoi insegnare niente a un uomo. Puoi solo aiutarlo a scoprire ciò che ha dentro di sé" _(You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help find it within himself.)_

"Thank you for letting me go" she whispered back ignoring the way Garcia still grasped her with 1 hand and petted her hair with the other.

Behind them light giggling was going through the room at the picture they were presenting.

When Emily finally managed to extricate herself from them the hall was 3 quarters full and she blushed bright red at the smirks she was getting. Shaking her head at the unrepentant Penelope Emily moved up to the podium, connected her laptop to the projector and started to prep her presentation.

"Before I start, we won't be having an official question time after today's lecture. Agents Rossi, Garcia and I will be out on the quad from 4:30 to 5:30 and I'll be back there on Monday from 1pm." she needed every minute she had to cover the Turner Pig Farm murders.

"Can a quadriplegic be responsible for the deaths of 89 people?" Emily pauses to let the question sink in. "Can a man with an estimated IQ of less than 65 be responsible for the deaths of 89 people?" There are puzzled looks throughout the auditorium.

"Consider this, 2 brothers. 1 with a severe intellectual disability, the other with a severe physical disability. 1 is the brain the other is the hands. Who, therefore is truly responsible for those deaths?"

Somethings never leave you, ever since the Mason's farm Emily hadn't been able to stomach bacon or ham. The smell immediately sent her back there… counting those shoes.

You could have heard a pin drop in the auditorium as Emily pulled the threads of that hellish case together for the students. Told the story of 3 desperate brothers, 1 to fix what he had broken, 1 to regain what was lost and 1 to find his sister stolen by the madness of the previous 2.

"89 murders at the pig farm. The deaths of Mason and Lucas Turner make 91 lives snuffed out. Kelly Shane went home and tried to recover and reconnect with her family but she was never a child again. William Hightower gave his leg for his country and then gave the rest of himself to avenge his sisters murder. That makes 93 lives forever altered, not counting family and friends in the small town of Sarnia, Ontario who thought that monsters didn't exist until they learned they spent their lives with one.*" Emily paused before pushing on… slamming the point she'd been building up to for weeks home.

"What about my team? How many more times could we look into the abyss, how many more times before we would never be able to recover the pieces of ourselves that the job took?"

Emily stepped back from the podium and sat down between Garcia and Rossi. Behind them silence reigned for a few beats before the students started to move out most of them stunned by the question Emily left them to ponder.

Garcia reached out and threaded her fingers through Emily's squeezing lightly in understanding.

Once the hall was empty the 3 of them silently gathered up their things and made their way out. Garcia and Rossi waited in the quad while Emily picked up Keira.

The discussion she came back to was lively… she caught Garcia exchanging email addresses with a large number of the students.

Somehow that Saturday Garcia convinced the 2 of them to let her take Keira shopping with Dave's credit card. Neither of them are sure exactly how that arrangement came about.

Emily and Dave settled themselves in a cafe while Garcia played the fairy godmother. 3 hours later the blonde returned with her arms full of sleeping child and shopping bags.

* * *

It was Keira's 4th birthday.

Emily had nothing planned for the day itself but was hosting a party at the park for the kids from the playgroup and some of the kids from the universities child care centre on the Sunday.

Having Hotch waiting for her in the lecture hall was icing on the cake, her heart jumped up another notch when 9 year old Jack Hotchner peered around his father with a giant grin.

Hotch quickly settled Jack in a hidden corner to watch a movie on his iPad while the 2 of them had a quick catch up in the rapidly filling hall.

This was her last lecture…

"Samantha Malcolm was doomed" Emily looked around the hall as she opened her lecture with the coldest hardest fact she had "She wasn't a killer… in fact she had no notion that what she was doing was wrong. Years of sexual, emotional and physical abuse damaged her beyond repair. As a child her father bought her silence with 3 dolls, in order to control her he took those dolls away and let other little girls play with them, all she wanted was her friends back. Dr Arthur Malcolm is the true criminal here, a pedophile who started off sexually abusing his daughter Samantha, in order to ensure her silence he subjected her to electro-shock therapy and when she got too old to satisfy him he moved on to his young female patients. By the end of our investigation we identified 15 of his patients that he sexually abused."

Out of the corner of his eye Hotch spied the Dean in the very back of the room just out of Emily's line of sight.

Emily was a charismatic speaker, she was commanding and engaging. The seasoned profiler could easily read the mood of the room and every single person was enraptured.

Hotch wondered how long until she was on the universities staff and not just guest lecturing.

"Here's what no one tells you about profiling. To be good profiler you need to learn to think like the unsubs. To be a great profiler you need to be able to step out of your own skin and into theirs. Each case strips you of yourself bit by bit and the time you get at home you are frantically trying to put yourself back together. Each of the team had their own coping mechanisms, a way to re-build ourselves and remember who we are outside of the chase. I used to go to the gun range, spend hours shooting at paper targets repeating to myself over and over again _I chase them… I am not them_. I have little compartments in my head that each contain something different. When they start to crack open or overflow I pull my *Matryoshka Doll from its place in my mantle and sit there stacking and unstacking… pulling apart and putting back together while reorganising the compartments in my brain." her eyes lock with Hotch's drawing from his unshakable strength.

"A number of you have asked me why I left the BAU and the Bureau. I haven't given a full answer… yes I was injured in the line of duty and left with permanent damage to my knee. What I haven't yet told you was how that damage happened, and I won't. It's a case I'm not prepared to tell the story of. The end result is I will never be able to run beside the bike as my daughter learns to ride, I will never be able to kick a soccer ball around with her, I will never be able to drive a stick shift. I will never be a field profiler again. I will always be a profiler, I am willing and able to share my knowledge and my passion for it. Which is why I'm here now."

Emily breaks her gaze from Hotch and looks around the auditorium.

"Having knowledge of these cases, these killers and these victims isn't enough. Some people say behavioural science doesn't work. It's voodoo science. It's not. It's sitting in an armed bunker with a hebephiliac cult leader holding a gun to you and your college… demanding to know who the undercover FBI Agent is, knowing without a doubt you are the wrong person to connect with him. Knowing your colleague… a man… will be the one he respects and might listen to. Knowing you are in essence expendable, telling him you're the undercover agent and dealing with whatever the consequences may be. It's putting your gun down and walking out to meet a teenager with a shotgun armed with nothing but your compassion and empathy. It's sitting in a courtroom connecting shoe lifts with a cheap suit and the regular buzz of text messages to know the lawyer trying to discredit you is gambling on the horses. It's studying and understanding how the human psyche reacts to certain stimuli, when this big red button is pushed a bomb goes off. Right? That's behavioural analysis, our big red buttons that are pushed by circumstance."

She stepped back from the podium to a standing ovation.

When the applause died down the questions started.

Emily answers a handful before sending everyone out onto the quad, promising to be there after picking up Keira.

Late on Saturday evening when both kids are asleep and they're on their 2nd glass of wine when Hotch asks her a question she never thought she'd hear from his lips.

"If I wanted to get fake ID's for Jack and myself where would you recommend I go?"

Emily blinks… "Depends on exactly what you need." she wonders for a moment if any of her contacts are even valid anymore. "Do you need passports?" She hadn't hidden the fact that she and Keira had left the US under assumed names but entered Australia using their real ones.

"Yes… no… maybe…" Hotch huffs to himself in frustration "Have you ever had a feeling that something is going to go really wrong?"

"Yeah." Emily grimaces "So it's nothing specific you just need an exit strategy in place? I know a guy, get me passport photos and I'll organise it for you. It's probably better if your name isn't brought into it."

END PART

*Sarah Danlin (2.18 Jones) Reid 13/03

*Floyd Feylan Ferell (3.8 Lucky) JJ 20/03

*Chloe Kelcher (4.2 The Angel Maker) Morgan 27/03

*Danny Murphy (4.21 A Shade of Grey) Alex 10/04

*Mason and Lucas Turner (4.25 To Hell… And Back) Rossi & Garcia 17/04

*Samantha Malcolm (5.12 The Uncanny Valley) Hotch 24/04/15

*4.25 - Hotch's closing monologue in To Hell… And Back

*Matryoshka Doll: A matryoshka doll, also known as a Russian nesting doll, Stacking dolls, or Russian doll, is a set of wooden dolls of decreasing size placed 1 inside another.


	6. The Settlement

Part 6 - The Settlement

3 weeks later 2 things happen on opposite sides of the world.

Emily is offered a part time position at the university teaching deviant psychology.

Hotch sends her a strangely worded email referencing their old school friend George's cousin wanting to visit. She doesn't really understand it at first and it takes her a while to go through all the mutual Georges they know. It's not until she connects their conversation about exit strategies with George Foyet that she comes to understand.

Life continues… Alex leaves the BAU, Morgan starts talking about the same woman several emails in a row.

On a blustery winters evening in mid 2016 there was a knock at her door and she gasped at the sight of an exhausted and shivering Jack Hotchner with a vaguely familiar man. Studying him seriously she held her hand out to the 10 year old who willingly wrapped his arms around her waist. His freezing body drawing warmth from her, the fear bleeding off from her familiarity.

"What's happened?" she asked the man.

"Agent Hotchner has asked that you keep Jack safe. He'll be here soon."

He turned and walked away without giving her anymore information.

She stared down at the boy who was trying so hard to be brave and stoic like his dad but was failing miserably.

"There was a man following me…" Jack whispered "Dad said he wouldn't find me here."

Knowing Hotch as well as she did Emily didn't question him but led the boy inside to their spare room and made sure he remembered where the bathroom was. She left Keira asleep, and made Jack hot chocolate while the boy wandered aimlessly around the living area, the shivering starting to subside when he dropped in front of the open fire.

Stamping down the desire to contact the team and find out exactly what had happened she waits until Jack is settled on the couch with his drink before asking another question.

"Did your dad tell you anything else?" she asks softly.

"He said don't tell the team."

"Ok…" Emily sat back and considered what to do next.

"Here's what we're going to do… you're going to finish your hot chocolate… have a shower and then sleep. You look exhausted. Then tomorrow we're going to chill here and I need to make sure your dad packed warm enough clothes and possibly go shopping for you. It's school holidays right now so we have no plans and we can relax. Maybe go see a movie?"

He nods and Emily can see he won't last long so as soon as the mug is empty she hustles him off to shower and checks through his suitcase. As expected he has clothes for DC spring and summer not a Canberra winter. Whoever packed for him obviously falling into the misconception that Australia is warm all year round.

In 1 pocket sits a US passport and a letter addressed to her.

 _Emily,_

 _We've limited contact with you about what's been happening in DC on purpose, Peter Lewis is a talented hacker and we didn't want him to find out too much about you. Ever since our conversation about having an exit strategy I've known you're it. You are our safe place._

 _I'm trusting you with the most important part of me._

 _Right now I'm working with the Marshalls to lay a false trail through witness protection._

 _See you soon._

 _Hotch_

The second page is a guardianship document giving her temporary custody over Jack Prentiss.

Jack slides into their daily routine seamlessly. It helps that it's a brand new one for the 2 of them…

Keira doesn't blink at the addition to their home and while unhappy to be separated from everything he knows and loves Jack copes remarkably well.

Not knowing how long Jack will be with them Emily makes the executive decision to send him to school. It's easier for all of them and gives him much needed stability. She takes him to the school she's planning on enrolling Keira in the following year and gets him into the 5th grade as her step-son. She makes sure Jack is well versed on the story, his dad has to finish some things up for work and he'll be joining them soon.

6 weeks after his arrival there's another knock at the door late at night. When she looks through the peephole and sees an alive but exhausted Hotch, relief crashes over her.

Emily opens the door, pulls him into the warm house and a tight hug before wordlessly leading him through to the bedroom that was slowly being re-decorated to match Jacks taste.

The hall light casts a glow onto the bed showing Jack whole, healthy and safe.

"Thank you…" he whispers through the relieved sob.

"You remember where everything is?" she asked quietly, receiving a nod to the affirmative.

"I'm going to crawl in with Keira, take my bed for tonight."

Emily slipped out of the room leaving the Hotchner men to themselves. She quickly changed the sheets on her bed and laid a fresh towel out for him.

She settles back at the dining room table with her marking for another hour before snuggling up with the 4 year old she can't believe she ever considered leaving behind.

She wakes to the smell of coffee.

In her kitchen Hotch is staring out at the frost covered yard, guilt rolling off him in waves.

She pours her own coffee and stands next to him for a few moments before speaking.

"It's fathers day in a couple of weeks, Keira bought a note home from preschool inviting all the Dads to a breakfast… she asked me why she didn't have a Daddy to go with her…"

He nods… she ran from ghosts… he was running from a monster and they both understood the crippling guilt of dragging their children on those flights.

Hotch and Prentiss are gone… by some unspoken agreement that's the last time they ever use the names from their previous life.

They're just Aaron and Emily.

"Dad!" the joyful screech breaks through the maudlin feel and Aaron turns just in time for Jack to barrel into him.

Emily slips out of the kitchen and leaves them to reunite in peace.

* * *

"A girl could get used to this" Emily jokes as she slips in the door with Keira and Jack the following afternoon.

They'd kept Jack home from school the previous day and then wanting to keep to the routine set by Emily had sent him off, somewhat reluctantly, that morning.

Looking around the house she could see he had vacuumed, put away all the kids stuff in their rooms, the washing was done and folded in neat piles on the couch and from the smell emanating through the house Aaron has made good use of her kitchen.

"It's the least I could do" he shrugs.

Dinner is lively and full of laughter as Keira and Jack talk about their days. Emily and Aaron tag team them seamlessly getting them through homework, bath and bad routines.

Even though it had only been 48 hours, like his son, Aaron was sliding into their life with barely a bump.

With things calmer than the previous night the 2 of them sit down to discuss their situation.

"Jack Prentiss?" she asks with a smirk.

"I didn't pick it. They came like that." Aaron pulls out his fake passport to show the name Aaron Prentiss sending her into a fit of giggles.

"Wow…" she finally manages to get out "explains why I found you barefoot in the kitchen when I got home."

It takes a few more minutes for the 2 of them to stop laughing and get to more serious matters.

"My biggest concern right now is living and sleeping arrangements…" Aaron starts "Jack's settled and comfortable and my funds are limited so moving out on our own is not really an option right now. That being said, your place is only 3 bedrooms and you can't keep sharing a bed with Keira."

Emily waits a beat and considers her response "Don't worry about money, I sold the DC condo and had the money routed through several different banks and identities before using it and the balance of my savings to purchase this place outright under an assumed name. Between my pension and salary from the university we're quite comfortable. The way I see it we have a couple of options. 1. We get bunk beds and double up in some kind of combination. You and Jack or me and Keira… not Jack and Keira cause what nearly 11 year old boy wants to share with a 4 year old girl. 2. We get a pull out couch which will be a killer on your back and my knee, 3. we replace my bed with 2 singles or 4. we be mature responsible adults and share that giant king size bed in my room."

Aaron isn't surprised by her blunt assessment of the living situation or openness on her finances. He'd gone through the exact same options in his head, he'd also discounted Jack and Keira sharing and didn't think it was fair on either of the kids to have to share with a parent. He agreed with the pain having 1 of them on a pull out couch would be not just physical but also logistical as it would mean they lose their living space.

He hadn't considered putting 2 single beds in her room.

"Let's try being mature responsible adults first." he pauses unsure how his next comment will be taken "When was the last time you shared a bed with an adult male?"

Emily blinks and Aaron can see her sliding back to a locked room in a secure compound in Greenfield Massachusetts. She isn't there for long…

"Willingly?" She asks weakly… "Mick Rawson and I went out a handful of times. I broke it off when Sean told me about Doyle escaping."

"Then neither of us will be surprised if you don't last the whole night and end up with Keira or on the couch until you get used to it again." he decides not to push her any further on the subject. It had taken her nearly 3 years and a wander around the world to find a happy and comfortable place again. That she spoke that openly was enough for him.

She makes a promise to herself to always start the night in bed and hopes she'll last longer and longer as time passes.

"Next, clothes… I noticed you went shopping for Jack to get him some warmer clothes?" He moves on to a lighter subject.

"Yeah. Daily average here in winter is in the mid 40's. I'm guessing you don't have much better?"

"Thank you, and no" he admits.

"Looks like we're going shopping tomorrow."

The evening slides past as Emily works on some marking and Aaron potters around feeling a little lost with no work of his own to do.

Eventually he heads off to bed, leaving her to follow when she's ready.

Aaron is sound asleep when Emily locks up the house and starts getting ready for bed. Sliding in next to Hotch feels strange but not scary and she drifts off to sleep quickly.

It doesn't last long as she wakes up in a panic at the feel of the warm male body in bed with her and when she can't settle back down and as predicted she slides out of the bed and joins Keira.

* * *

Tuesdays and Thursdays she doesn't need to go into the University, classes are 10 till 12 Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings with office hours from 12-2 in the afternoon which gives her plenty of time to get back in time to do the school pick up.

This particular Thursday she and Aaron take the kids to school and preschool, stop by the respective offices to add him to all of Jack and Keira's admission information before heading to the shops to bolster their wardrobes.

Jack gets Star Wars bedding and not wanting Keira to feel left out of the shopping spree Emily picks up a new set for her covered in sparkly purple butterflies.

She grins at Aaron and drags him into the DVD store. All of their movies are slanted towards her and Keira's tastes so she starts grabbing what she thinks Jack will enjoy.

Emily laughs when Aaron tries to slip the Captain America trilogy into the basket.

"Put that back… I already have all the Marvel and X-Men movies at home."

They spend the rest of the day washing the new clothes and bed linens, putting them on the kids beds and rearranging Emily's room and wardrobe to accommodate Aaron. Whichever way things ended up with the beds she and Aaron would be sharing cupboard space and the ensuite while the kids shared the main bathroom.

Unlike her time in the BAU her shoe collection was nowhere near as large or varied. Emily no longer had the disposable income to shoe shop as she had in the past and her bad knee limited the type of shoe she could wear for extended periods of time.

Mostly she stuck to combat boots from an army surplus store in winter and light runners in summer.

By the time Aaron left to pick the kids up from school everything was set up and back in the right place.

Both kids are delighted with the new bedding and movies and once homework is all completed they settle in with The Incredibles.

Several days later Emily hands over a second bank card, when he tries to turn it down she shoves it into his back pocket.

"It's just the everyday groceries and kid emergency account, I've written the details down so you can add to it as well. We'll sit down and work out the bills later."

A week into the weird domesticity Aaron starts to get antsy. With nothing to occupy his time he tries to 'help' Emily with her marking and class planning but is firmly rebuffed.

Emily still hadn't managed to spend an entire night in the bed with him… each night it was longer and longer before she woke in a panic so she took that as a good sign.

2 weeks in she comes home from work and hands over a business card.

"It's a youth centre for high risk teens. They do everything from tutoring to counselling to sports. I was going to start volunteering there on Tuesdays and Thursdays before Jack came. Maybe you can go down there and burn off that excess energy you're driving me nuts with."

It's not the paying job he's used to but… it's better than sitting round Emily's house being bored.

Before he goes down there Aaron spends 3 days in the library at ANU reading up on juvenile delinquency, homeless and poverty rates in the area and tries to get a handle on the programmes out there for these kids.

Bypassing a suit he pulls on comfortable jeans, a pair of combat boots from Emily's favourite surplus store and a comfortable shirt and jacket. These kids won't react well to the G-Man uniform.

They do seem to respond to his no-nonsense manner and they quickly learn that what they give they get in return.

If they show indifference, he ignores them.

If they are polite, he is respectful.

If they open up, so does he.

All this happens much to Emily's relief, Aaron was driving her nuts being stuck in the house with nothing to do.

* * *

The Friday before Father's day Aaron goes with Keira to preschool and introduces himself as her Father much to Keira's delight. A few hours later he's at Jack's school for a BBQ lunch.

Jack briefly wondered if anyone would mind if he asked Emily to do the same for him on Mother's day. Without his Aunt Jessica around there was no one to go with him, Jack put the thought away for now. He didn't even know where they'd be living next May.

When Aaron had first suggested going with Keira to Emily, neither of them considered 4 year old logic. That afternoon when she got home from preschool she was calling Aaron 'Daddy' and when asked why, she looked at Emily incredulously and said "He came to breakfast with me." as if it was the most sensible thing in the world. Aaron went to the breakfast for Daddies with her so therefore he was Daddy.

Emily felt a stone of dread drop into her stomach.

Later that night as they got ready for bed in a routine that was becoming more and more comfortable everyday Aaron attempted to reassure her.

"I don't know why we're so surprised by this? She's ok with it, I'm ok with it, I'll take Jack out tomorrow and make sure he's ok with it."

Emily bit her lip lightly as she finally worked out why she was so upset.

"What happens when Peter Lewis is in custody and you guys can go home?" she asks "We've been so focused on making sure everything is ok for right now none of us have considered what happens later."

Light dawned in Aarons eyes as he quickly caught up with her thinking.

"Jack and I are settling in, he's made friends, I'm starting to really make some inroads at the youth centre… we're making a family of 4 that me going back to DC with Jack will tear apart."

"Yeah…" she slid into bed and lay facing him "I'm not asking you to make a decision right now or kicking you guys out but… we've started something here… we've been treating them like brother and sister. If you guys are going to go back to DC when it's safe I need to start preparing Keira for you guys to leave 1 day and you need to start preparing Jack."

"And we need to start preparing ourselves…" Aaron finished as he slid in the other side, lying far enough away so their bodies aren't touching but close enough to feel each others warmth.

"When Haley died Erin Strauss offered me retirement…" he admits "I wasn't ready then, being in the BAU still felt right, since then there's been more loss and pain. You… Strauss' murder, Alex leaving… and now this. I didn't hesitate to walk away for Jack…" he trails off.

He was home every night for dinner. That day was the first of many school events he would be able to make it to.

"I guess what you'll have to weigh up is are you ready for the quiet life or do you still need to chase monsters?"

That night Emily didn't wake up in a panic.

* * *

They didn't bring the subject up again but Aaron decided that deeds more than words would show his decision.

His time of monster chasing was over.

He starts fixing up the back porch to be a second living area come summer.

1 afternoon he texts Emily a picture of a puppy with a question mark next to it.

He was approached by a local law firm to work for them part time as a juvenile advocate.

He blinked… it had been a very long time since he practiced law and his license wasn't valid here... in fact Aaron Prentiss didn't even have a law license.

It doesn't matter they said… you won't be in a courtroom and you won't really be practicing. It'll be your job to make sure these kids understand what's happening to them. Make sure no one can railroad them or use them. Be the adult in their lives that no one else has been.

By Jack's birthday in October Aaron is at the youth centre 5 days a week. 2 days paid and 3 as a volunteer. He and Emily have a set routine, he does the school drop off in the mornings and she does the pick up in the afternoons.

They end up getting the pup, a tiny cavalier they name Scarlett who trails behind whoever is home at the time and alternates between Jack and Keira's beds at night.

The weather starts to warm and before they know it Christmas is approaching.

There's very little news from the team in DC, Peter Lewis went to ground after making a play against 1 of the new team members. It was the first time an Unsub had gone directly for her and Tara was still working through the reality of life in the BAU.

Garcia and Emily are cautious about what they say in their emails. Emily is well aware that none of them know Hotch is with her, they might suspect but none of them know for sure so Garcia doesn't ask and Emily doesn't tell.

Both of them panic and nearly head straight back to DC, damn the consequences when news of Reid's arrest in Mexico gets to them.

On the sly Emily makes a few calls and manages to get in touch with Fiona Duncan who agrees to take his case without ever mentioning she'd been sent by Emily.

They wait on tenterhooks for any kind of news and try to keep their worry from the kids. With their upbringing both are sensitive to their parents moods and pick up on the tension.

Christmas is a shock for both Aaron and Jack, Emily had booked a beach cabin for herself and Keira early in the year and drags the boys along with them. Neither had experienced the holidays running around the beach instead of curled up in front of a fire.

Somewhere along the way Emily and Aaron's relationship had evolved into an intensely intimate platonic partnership. They still shared a bed, co-parented, occasionally held hands, late night TV watching often resulted in Emily resting comfortably against Aaron's chest. Both enjoyed the companionship and neither were willing to make the move to take things beyond that.

* * *

A week before school goes back Jack approaches Emily and shyly tugs her out into their back garden.

"Did you know my Mom?"

"Yeah I did…" she picks up a stray tennis ball and tosses it to him.

They throw the ball back and forth a few times while he works out his next question.

"What do you remember most about her?"

Emily smiles at the memory of sitting in the bar with Aaron and Haley "She made your Dad laugh… and she loved you more than anything."

She wonders how much Jack remembers about that awful day his mother died. He was only 4 so the memories might have faded into blurry visions and flashes.

"I remember her hugging me tight…" Jack sits down on the grass while Scarlett jumps in his lap.

"What else do you remember?" Emily asks as she joins him.

"A loud bang…" Jack whispers. "Keira calls my dad Daddy…" he abruptly changes the subject "But he's not her dad…"

"No he's not…" Emily agrees.

"You were gone for a long time…" Jack looks up at her wise beyond his years "Dad said a bad guy took you away and they were looking for you. When you came back Keira was just a baby."

Emily's breath hitches, she wonders how much Jack has worked out for himself and actually understands "That's right…"

"Is Keira's real dad dead?"

"Yes he is…"

"I don't mind sharing my dad with her but…" he trails off, blushing furiously.

"But…" Emily prompts.

"Can we share you as well?" he asks.

"Jack, you already do share me" Emily reached out and grabbed his hand "Everything I do for Keira, I do for you as well… including love you... but you're talking about calling me mom aren't you?"

He nods…

"Jack, a name doesn't change a feeling." Emily thinks she can understand what he's struggling with. "If you want to keep Mom for just your Mom that's ok."

"I can't decide…" he finally admits.

"That's ok as well" she reassures him as she pulls him into a tight hug.

* * *

Things with Jack didn't change overnight, as he went into the 6th grade he started to refer to Emily as his mom without giving her the title directly.

Keira starts kindergarten, Emily will never admit it but she tears up a little when dropping her on the first day. The little girl continued to thrive and was becoming more and more like her mother everyday. Albeit a much girlier version.

Jack joined a soccer team, Keira started gymnastics, Aaron started studying to get his law license when it was safe and Emily added another class at the university.

News from DC continued to be scarce and centered entirely around Reid.

Emily and Aaron started to save to fly the 4 of them back to DC for a visit as soon as Reid was free and Mr Scratch behind bars.

A packet of photos was put together and sent on a trip around the world through several different people to Jessica… proof Jack was alive, safe and happy with his father.

As summer fades into fall and fall came to a close a completely unexpected phone call came from David Rossi.

Within the space of a week Reid was proven innocent and released from jail, and Mr Scratch had made his last big play to find Jack in the form of a trap. 1 of the new team members was dead and JJ had been taken and dosed.

The end result was Peter Lewis was dead and Aaron was free to go home.

Emily watched him through the kitchen window, a nervous pit of fear coiled tight in her belly.

Both the kids were fast asleep and had no idea that the little family and quiet life they'd built could be torn apart at any moment.

She watched as he hung up the phone and stood there staring up at stars for a few minutes before turning and meeting Emily's gaze with a relaxed grin and beckoned her to join him.

"We're free and clear…" he wraps his arm around her shoulders and pulls her close to him, partially because he enjoyed the simple affection but mostly because he knows she'll be shivering within minutes without his body heat.

"I told Rossi I'm not coming back…" he pressed a kiss to her temple "I've spent most of Jack's childhood off fighting monsters and now it's time to stop and enjoy our family. I promised Jack and I would come back for 2 weeks in July for a visit. I can ship the rest of our things here, put the apartment up for sale and say our goodbyes properly."

A relieved giggle bubbles out as she turns her body into his and throws her arms around his neck.

* * *

They decide not to tell the team exactly what date they are flying in or that Emily and Keira will be coming to DC with the Hotchner men.

Aaron doesn't mention it but a part of him is worried Emily will panic and bolt at the airport.

Unless you'd been witness to the journey from confident FBI Agent to broken husk to content mother and teacher it was impossible to understand just what this trip meant.

The broken woman they'd tearfully farewelled at Dulles 4 years before had carefully and painstakingly put herself back together.

He was concerned that a trip back to DC would undo all of that hard work.

His worry wasn't for nothing, she was fine until they boarded the flight from LAX to Dulles and as they got closer and closer to DC the tension radiating off her is making him nauseous. Sensing her upset Keira climbs into her lap and Jack stretches out so his head is resting against her.

"Why don't you like DC?" Jack asks quietly once he is sure Keira is asleep.

"Too many bad memories…" Her eyes meet Aaron's over the top of his head and he understands… she's struggling but she's ok. For now.

Jessica is waiting for them at Dulles and the reunion between her and Jack brings smiles to everyone's face.

They send Jack ahead with Jessica to Hotch's apartment while picking up their rental car. Hotch can see she's struggling with being in the city again but seems to be holding herself together.

"Mommy?" 5 year old Keira is watching out the window, eyes wide as she takes in the city she has no memory of living in.

"Yeah baby?" Emily briefly looks over her shoulder.

"Did we really used to live here?"

"We sure did." Emily confirms "We left here 4 years ago…" she really hopes Keira doesn't ask why they left. She doesn't but Emily prepares herself for those questions to be asked before they leave to go home.

The evening is spent quietly catching up with Jessica who had already packed up most of the apartment for them. She's missed nearly a year of Jack's life and while she understands Aaron's decision to stay on the other side of the world away from the darkness and pain of DC there's a part of her that wants to yell and scream at him for taking her sisters son away.

Aaron and Emily had planned for some kind of meltdown from Jessica and once the kids had passed out and were in bed Aaron pulled an envelope with her name on it out and handed it over.

"You are the strongest link Jack has to his mom" Emily tells her when Aaron falters and can't seem to get the words out. "It's not the same as living in the same city but…"

Inside is a voucher for a flight to Canberra for Jess and her family, good for 18 months.

"We figure you guys might like an Australian Christmas on the beach." Aaron finally speaks as Jess bursts into tears.

The next morning has an awkward visit with the Ambassador and a eagerly awaited phone call with Dave. He immediately sends word out to the rest of the team to be at his house for dinner that night.

Just after 6 they pull up to the mansion and the 4 of them pile out, noting the rest of their team plus extra's is already there.

A small squabble breaks out between Jack and Keira over who gets to ring the doorbell which is solved by Aaron yanking them both away from the door and Emily pressing the button with a raised eyebrow.

Raised voices from the inside float to them, Dave yelling at someone to get the door, JJ yelling at a child (or Will) to behave, Garcia yelling she'll answer it and the sound of her heels clattering on the tiled floor.

Before it can open both Aaron and Emily reach down and cover their children's ears.

The door swings open and there is a beat of stunned silence before Penelope Garcia lets out a shriek of absolute joy at not just Hotch and Jack being there but Emily and Keira as well.

The blonde doesn't care who she hugs first, just throws herself at them.

"You're here… you're both here… it's real family dinner…"

They're pulled back into the fold as though they'd never been gone.

Emily is introduced to Tara Lewis, Luke Alvez and Matt Simmons who all watch her interact with the rest of the team curiously. They knew the bare bones of Emily's story but the details were a closely guarded secret… Emily's story was hers and hers alone to tell.

In some ways seated around the large table in Rossi's backyard feels as though absolutely no time has passed.

Eyebrows are raised at the casual way Aaron drops his hand to rest on Emily's thigh… it's an unconscious move that neither of them think anything of anymore but everyone catches it and from the exchange of looks between JJ, Garcia and Dave the 2 of them are in for a grilling.

"So you were with Emily the whole time?" Reid directs his question to Aaron.

"Not quite…" he looks around the table "I contacted an old friend from SWAT who took Jack ahead while I coordinated with the Marshall's and set up a false trail throughout the US and Canada before joining Emily and the kids."

"I had no idea what was really going on" Emily adds "Mr ambiguous here didn't give me a whole lot of information so I rolled Jack into our life and that was it."

Sometime in between dinner and desert Diana Reid, who was having a rare good day, had ended up on the living room floor surrounded by the 4 Simmon's children, Henry and Michael LaMontagne, Keira and Jack and was animatedly telling them a story about a Princess who didn't need a Knight to save her.

"You're really not coming back, are you Sir?" Garcia eventually asks.

"No" Aaron is firm "for the last 8 months I've been able to be a full time dad, and I love it. I'm ready for the quiet life." he turns his head slightly to meet Emily's eyes "Emily and I have agreed we'll come back to DC for 2 weeks every July. We also agreed to extend an open invite to anyone who wants to join us for Christmases on the beach. No accommodation costs, we'll send out an email with the dates and address… new and old BAU members included."

Dave was the first to react "I'll make sure the spare rooms are ready for you next year."

It's a good plan, traditionally the team is on stand down from travel except national emergencies in July and the Christmas invite can easily be worked out so that 1 or 2 of them can go each year while everyone else holds down the fort.

He doesn't care what he has to do to get JJ and Reid 2 weeks off that Christmas.

* * *

The question Emily has been dreading finally comes up a week into their stay in DC.

"Mommy, if all your friends and Grandma are here why did we leave?" Keira is clutching her hand as they walk along the reflecting pool, Jack is spending time with Jessica and Aaron is meeting with the realtor.

She pulls Keira over to a bench so they're looking at the Washington monument. Wrapping an arm around her daughter she pulls Keira close and tries to find the explanation that has been evading her.

"Mommy used to love it here." she starts "but I got hurt and being here with everything I used to be able to do hurt my heart." she hopes beyond anything this will be all Keira will ever need.

"So we took on a long trip around the world…" she continues "You've see the pictures."

"With the elephants and the giant mountains" Keira nods, she loves looking at those photo's and listening to Emily tell stories about their adventure.

"I was looking for a new home that didn't hurt my heart."

"And you found our house?"

"Yeah I did baby… a place for us with a mountain to look at and trees for shade and snow in the winter."

"Will we ever come back here to live?"

"I don't know" Emily admits "We're pretty happy with Daddy and Jack and Scarlett aren't we?… we've got our house and your friends at school and Mommy has her job."

"Yeah, we are!"

END


	7. Alternate Ending - The Missing

Alternate Ending

AN: This was the original ending I wrote but it was just too sad… I had to give Emily a happier story. Please do not continue reading this alternate ending if you don't want a tissue required undoing of chapters 3 to 6.

Part 3 - The Missing

May 15th 2013

At JJ's insistence Emily takes a weekend to herself and leaves Keira with her and Will. When the Monday arrived with no contact from Emily they grew concerned and the phone calls and knocks on the door started but there is no answer. By the following Friday they were all panicking, Garcia checked and there was no activity on her credit cards, license or passport.

On a hunch Rossi tried his key to the condo… the locks had been changed. He rested his forehead against the locked door and new he was too late.

Keira cried for her absent mother not understanding why the 1 person in the world she wanted wasn't there...

The following Monday, 10 days after Emily dropped Keira off with JJ and Will there was a knock at their front door. They signed for the delivery of a thick packet of papers from a law firm.

 _ **JJ,**_

 _ **I'm sorry.**_

 _ **You offered to look after Keira as long as I need you to and I hate to say it but that's longer than either of us anticipated.**_

 _ **I see the way you love Henry and Hotch loves Jack. It's unconditional and all encompassing. I'm not capable of that right now, I might never be capable of it.**_

 _ **Doyle is everywhere and in everything, I see him in the street, in the office, in my home, in my daughter. I can't look at her but I can't look away. I can't be with her and I can't be without her. Right now I cling to her like she does to Harriett, for safety, for comfort but not for love. I can't love Keira the way a parent should so I need you to do it for me.**_

 _ **Maybe 1 day I'll be able to but by then she won't remember me, she'll only know you Will and Henry and I won't tear her away from that.**_

 _ **Make sure she knows it's not her fault. I love her enough to know I'm not enough.**_

 _ **Please love her the way you love Henry, love her for me.**_

 _ **Emily.**_

JJ flicked through the rest of the pages, her throat closing and eyes filling with tears.

All of Emily's assets had been dissolved, the condo sold and all the money placed in a trust for Keira. A monthly cheque would be cut for her expenses from it and sent to JJ and Will. Whatever was left when Keira turned 18 would go towards college. The final document was a change of guardianship, Emily had already signed severing her parental rights and handing them over to JJ and Will.

All they had to do was sign.

Years pass with no sign of Emily… Keira grows calling JJ Mommy and Will Daddy. JJ and Will refuse to use Emily's money, sending it straight back into the trust. They don't need to be paid to love Keira, she's the only part of Emily they have left and that's all they need.

She starts school… it isn't until she's 9 that she starts to ask questions. Why do Henry and Michael have blue eye like mommy and daddy but hers are brown. Why are there pictures of them as babies but not her. Why is she a Prentiss and not a LaMontagne like everyone else?

They'd talked about this over the years, what they would do and how they would answer the inevitable questions.

JJ takes her to the reflecting pool on a blustery winter day and tells her the only version of the story she can. Keira understands good choices and bad choices, she understands sickness in the form of a cold… not revenge, hatred, torture… brokenness.

"You had another Mommy and her name was Emily" JJ starts pulling Keira close to her "She loved you very much. She was my best friend but she got sick when you were a baby and she couldn't look after you anymore. So she asked me and your Daddy to love you and care for you when she couldn't. Prentiss is your first Mommy's name and we wanted you to keep that part of her."

JJ hands over 1 of the only photos they have of Emily and Keira together taken on Keira's first birthday only a few weeks before Emily disappeared. The birthday girl had dozed off on Emily's chest and the mother was barely awake herself, every few years JJ had to make a new copy as this 1 was so worn.

Once the team had accepted that Emily was never coming back they'd pooled together every photo they had of Emily, written down stories and memories of her and made multiple copies to be stored in multiple places, they, along with Emily's letter to JJ would be given to Keira when she was older. When she would be able to understand...

Watching Keira trace small fingers over Emily's face studying the one so like her own, JJ remembers that day like it was yesterday. They'd all thought Emily had finally made her peace with her captivity and all that came with it. Looking back JJ could see she hadn't and probably never would. Instead the peace was a facade thrown up by a destroyed women who was saying her final goodbyes.

END


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